The argument.

We only ever had one argument. 

This one argument lasted a long, silent, awful while.

I believe she was spreading her wings, leaving the co-dependent relationship we shared.

Hindsight is a beautiful thing...so is maturity.

She dared to have a boyfriend. 

A boyfriend. 

It occurred to me, their relationship became more important to her than ours.

It didn’t occur to me, my large social circle was becoming more important to me than our relationship.

 

She ratted me out!   

RATTED.  ME.   OUT.

Our bond broke right down the middle.

 Snapped. 

Disintegrated. 

Poof, it was gone. 

 

I had a party without my parent’s knowledge.  I had done this before.  The difference was, she wasn’t at my party hanging out with my friends anymore.   She was dating.

HE THOUGHT SHE SHOULD RAT ME OUT BECAUSE IT WAS THE RESPONSIBLE THING TO DO. THERE WAS ALCOHOL AND BOYS AT MY PARTY AFTER ALL!

We had never squealed on one another before.  Not once. 

 

It was brand new, this way of living with someone but not liking them. 

The house became eerie quiet without our ‘us’ in existence. 

We used to giggle a lot.  I didn’t’ realise how much we giggled when I liked her.

Supper was the worst.   Mom worked hard to keep the conversation going.  I avoided making eye contact with Mom.  When I did, the shame would woosh and flip in my stomach.  It was difficult to maintain my aloofness, my false demeanour, my arrogance and judgement when I saw Mom’s eyes. 

The knowledge and acceptance that I was breaking my Mom’s heart outweighed my need to punish her.

I missed our warm and comfortable home. 

I missed sharing and happiness.

I missed her.

The day Mom begged me to forgive her and cease the silent protest was a great day.  I didn’t know how to stop without Mom’s interference.

I was grateful. 

I never told her.  Not once.